she’s getting seat covers for christmas

This is from my friend, who shall remain anonymous so that you may one day ride in her car blissfully unaware of what transpired in the passenger seat. She can always make me laugh and is practically a saint.

I was taking a Special Olympic man home tonight and he took a dump in my car. Yes, a diarrhea-smelling, large dump. It was contained in his pants, but there was a brown residue when I cleaned the seat, and I worry that the lasting smell might somehow give me cancer.

Teachers are so underpaid.